Darold Milligan passed away peacefully in his sleep April 3, 2010 at San Diego Hospice in San Diego, California. He was surrounded by his immediate family and there was peace in the room as well as sadness at the loss of someone so truly valued as a brother, father, uncle, grandfather and friend. After suffering several heart attacks and two bleeding ulcers during the previous ten years, Darold finally succumbed to lung cancer which had spread to his bones by the time it was diagnosed. "I always thought it was arthritis," he said, so he'd never gone to a doctor and asked about his growing physical pain with its many accompanying limitations.
I spent the last few weeks of Darold's life very involved with him and his family. The experience was so full of heart I'm still taking it all in. Many surprises for all of us, and I've learned so much more about my friend that I'd like to share.
For now I'll just say he grew up in a large family where I found humor, acceptance, flexibility, diversity, love and mutual respect. I met him twenty years ago as I began to learn about nonviolent communication in San Diego. For me he was always the steady voice of reason as I watched him stay out of the fray of dissent and 'jackal shows'. When I asked him about those years two weeks ago, he said in those moments he was just trying to stay in touch with what was going on within himself, and speaking and acting in concert with him own needs moment to moment. The level of consciousness and authenticity I experienced from him from the day I met him until the day he died was consistently inspiring and what kept bringing me back in conversation with him. He wasn't perfect. In fact, even the last day he was lucid he was still becoming aware of choices he would like to make in a different way. In every choice he took his time to become very conscious and move from that authenticity.
It turns out Darold kept his family and his professional life with nonviolent communication separate, so his family wasn't aware of the extent of his work and how he'd touched the lives of so many people. Several people responded to the news of his hospice stay with an outpouring of gratitude for how he'd helped them, and I compiled several of these comments for the family. His daughter Karin asked me to let everyone know how much his family appreciated those comments, and how it gave them comfort in the days following Darold's passing.
I've started this blog because I want to keep Darold's message alive, and I want to provide a place for people who have known Darold to make comments about what they learned from him, and how he affected their lives. If you have something to say, please add your comments. I'll come back with more posts later. For now I just want to provide a forum for discussion.
Most sincerely,
Marilyn McLeod
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